In a comment on a Tumblr post, audreyii-fic posits, "This brings back my thesis that every fanfic — every fanfic on every subject in every fandom — can be improved by adding 'And then the Winchesters shot them' to the last line."
The Winchesters being the protagonists of the longstanding show Supernatural. As the title suggests, the two brothers, Sam and Dean, hunt supernatural creatures, asking questions only until they know who to shoot. Or set on fire. Or stab with a customized pointy object. Whatever. Basically, everyone and everything they touch dies. But that's not important. What's important is that audreyii-fic's thesis works just as well on books as it does on fanfiction, though first-person is a little tricky.
Earlier this morning, I spent about ten minutes perusing my bookshelves and giggling to myself as the Winchesters summarily massacred the Potter-Weasley clan, the Gamgees, the Darcy-Gardiner party, and most importantly, Bella Swan. (Or her legs. The grammar is a bit dodgy.)
In the pursuit of forcing others to suffer the same unbecoming snorts of laughter that I have been at the glorious visuals alone, I've compiled a list of improved quotes below. They are relatively spoiler-free, but I've put the book title before the quote so you can skip the ones you haven't read before.
